A Step in the Right Direction

A Chocolate Diversion

2008-03-11T10:13:00.001-05:00

I decided earlier today that I needed a hair cut. Several people told me that there was a place on Water street I could go to. I found two of them and neither was open. It was only 5pm and they were already closed (or in one case, remodeling). So I found a way to treat myself so the trip didn't feel like a total loss.

I ate the purply/red one (bottom right corner) first, because I had no idea what it is so I figured I would start with a clean pallet and maybe I could guess it. There was a very soft chocolate center that seemed to have a mixture of raspberry, cherries, and a hint of lemon.

Next is the coconut. This one was very good. The outside was a very dark chocolate (probably around 70% cacao (yes I did spell it right, slightly different meaning)) and the inside seemed like slightly moist compressed coconut. Coconut makes everything taste better. So does making something spicy or free. The best flavor in the world must be spicy coconut that you got from someone for free.

Now hop to the top left for the organic peanut butter chocolate. The peanut butter is what you taste first in this one, followed by the sharpness of the dark chocolate. The peanut butter is super light and creamy and goes very well with the chocolate.

Next up, the Italian liqueur. The chocolate on the outside was extremely thin and the chocolate on the inside had the consistency slightly thicker than that of pudding. I could taste the remnants of the alcohol (unlike popular opinion, the alcohol is almost never cooked off completely. If fact, most of the alcohol is usually left after cooking). From my limited experience with alcoholic beverages it reminded me most of wine.

The double chocolate with nibs was next. Wow, this one packs a punch. They weren't lying when they said "double chocolate." The nibs actually offer a toffee like texture with a pure chocolate taste.

I saved the wasabi chocolate for last because if it really was hot I didn't want it to effect the other chocolates. This one was not very enjoyable. I do enjoy wasabi, but apparently not in my chocolate. I will not be buying this chocolate again.

My top two were the Italian liqueur followed by the double chocolate with nibs. I don't feel that any of them were worth the $1.85 (each) price tag, but they were enjoyable. When I head to San Francisco I think I am going to try to get myself some excellent chocolate and I'll tell you how it is.

Coming soon, The New and Imporved Tim…

2008-03-10T00:37:00.003-05:00

Once again I will mention that this blog will probably become obsolete shortly (except for the christmas list, that is going to stay up forever). You should start migrating to my new blog

I think I mentioned in the last post that I started to work out again. Well I actually remembered to take pictures this time before I started working out. I’m not going to post them until I have some “after” photos that look really good, but so far after only two weeks into it I’m looking rather impressive. So all my loyal readers (I’m pretty sure this only amounts to about two people) should be looking forward to some before and after photos and probably a video in the next few weeks. I’ll also share my workout on here. Some of my dress shirts already don’t fit as well as they used to. That’s ok, by the end of the next few weeks I’ll look better without a shirt than I would with one :) haha, I have to be able to joke at least a little don’t I?

Dorm tour, Life advice, and Diets

2008-03-02T12:51:00.006-06:00

First off, I recommend you start to shift yourself to my other blog. Here is a link, and there is also another one off the the right.

Hey there. I’ve only written a few things in my blogs since coming to school and I haven’t uploaded any videos. Sorry about that. Here is a new video in which I give you a tour of my glamorous new dorm. It’s very exciting and comes highly recommended by someone, probably. I’ve been reading a lot of the blog posts by Tim Ferriss, the author of 4-Hour Work Week and and inspiration to many people. He gave me the idea for my new workout, which requires that I only actually work out twice a week for half an hour. That post was titled “From geek to freak: how I gained 34 pounds of muscle in 4 weeks.” That should give you an idea of how effective this workout can be. There are also some crazy before and after photos. I’m going to add his blog to my list of links on the side because you should really check it out, well worth the time. In my last post I talked about my “walkabout”, well that’s not happening anymore because I found something that will be much more exciting. I’m sure I’ll do it at some point, but maybe I’ll wait until the weather is a little nicer.

One of the most important differences I have noticed in myself since December is that I no longer feel guilty about stuff anymore. It’s not that I can do bad things and not feel bad about them. Not that at all. It is that I don’t do anything that requires guilt. I used to feel guilty about things I had to reason to feel guilty about, and that doesn’t happen anymore. I realized this when several people recently tried to guilt me into stuff and it didn’t work. I used to always be easily guilted into things, not anymore though. It’s awesome! Guilt free is the way to be. It’s kind of like one of the things I try to tell people. I feel the advice “live life without regrets” is some of the worst advice you can give someone, because human beings aren’t usually rational enough to make quick decisions on important things. Besides, it is not possible to live a life without regretting things. It is going to happen whether you like it or not. The phrase should be changed to “don’t regret the life you live.” Live life in such a way that in the future you can look back and say “yeah, I have some regrets, but I lived my life in such a way that I can be proud of it and if I did it again I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Diets: Why most people are complete idiots

The typical view of a diet is something that restricts your eating habits for a period of time usually with the goal of losing weight. Here is the problem, that is the worst way to look at it. Your diet is just your eating habits. You should always be on a diet, there is no way to not be on a diet. Take for instance when people talk about animals. They say, “its diet consists of…” and then go on to say whatever it is they eat. For my example we will use a snake. They don’t say “the snake’s diet consists of only mice this month because it wants to lose an extra pound.” That would be ridiculous. You diet is just what you eat and is not a temporary thing, you should always have a healthy diet that is not constrained to a period of time. The goal of your new diet (what you eat, not a weight loss program) should be health, not weight. You should be eating healthy to get all of the important vitamins and nutrients that your body needs. Losing weight will be a side effect of health eating habits, not the goal. The reason diets don’t work for most people is because they look at it as something temporary, when they should actually be changing their eating habits for the rest of their life. This is one of the hardest concepts to get people to understand.

A "Walk-About"

2008-02-14T20:22:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I also have my blog on wordpress now. The address is www.quilnib.wordpress.com .I’ll be able to check stats and how many people have visited and fun things like that. Woot. However, there are still things on blogger that I like. So for some reason (I'm not sure why) I am going to use both.

I’m already planning my spring break. I’m going for a “walk-about.” Basically I’m going to go back packing and not really worry about how I get somewhere or if I am even following a trail. I’ve already got the pack and the sleeping bag. The important things I still need to get include a tent, compass, and a map. I figure I’ll just pick a point and head to it. If it looks like I wont make it back to school walking then I’ll head to the nearest city and hop a bus. I’m figuring there will be a lot of trespassing, because I’m not really going to care where I’m walking. It’s going to be an adventure and hopefully I’ll have lots of stories. Nine days on my own, walking through the occasional town and testing my skills with a compass and a map. What could be more fun? Lets just hope I don’t run out of food and that it isn’t ridiculously cold.

Valentine's Day Pillow Fight

2008-02-06T00:38:00.002-06:00

I'm planning a huge Valentine's Day pillow fight on campus and I hope it will go well and that we get some great turnout. We'll see. I'm in the planning stage of it right now, but I'm already very excited because I think it is going to turn out well. I made a website for it (a blog actually, but who cares) and an event on facebook. I just need my brother to finish designing the poster so I can plaster it up around campus and get people excited about this. If it works It will be Awesome. Here is the website. I'll let you know how it goes. This was a great solution to the possibility of being alone again on valentines day, because there is really no way to top last years valentines day, but I can do something huge and different so it can be just as fun only in different ways. I have to thank my brother for the idea though.

Books I need to read/finish reading

2008-02-05T12:02:00.009-06:00

I'm going to list the books in the order I will read them. Some have to be at the top of the list because I have to read them for classes. I wont list any books I don't yet own and I suspect I will be buying lots of books this semester mostly for myself and not classes. (this is going to be continuously updated and I'll probably add a list on the side of the blog) The ones in Orange are done.

The Invisible Man
Adams Fall
We Are Our Mother's Daughters
Closer (the screenplay)
The Kite Runner
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Alchemist
Invisible Monsters
High Fidelity

Sometimes my Creativity Impresses even Me

2008-01-12T12:56:00.000-06:00

Sometime between February and March of last year I got this crazy idea to make a miniature hammock. It was originally intended to be given to someone as a very late birthday present (it was late because I hadn't met them until after their birthday, but it turns out that I was at their birthday party) after I finished it. I chickened out though and just left it in my room for a while. I did finally end up giving it to them as a graduation present and they loved it. Anyway, the thing took forever to make. The string I was using was ridiculously tiny, the knots were hard to make, and parts of it kept falling apart. Lets not mention the fact that the only materials I had to make this were the ones lying around my dorm at the time. The string I was using was actually thread from a giant spool that is usually used to sew mattresses. I used Q-tips with the cotton pulled off for the spacers at either end and some dice with holes drilled through them to have something to bring the strings together at either end. There was also some symbolism with the dice, but I guess that isn't really important unless you were the one who got it and if you are that person then you already understand :) . After putting something together so that it would hold the string while I was working, it took roughly 6 hours to make. I know, that sounds like it took way too long, but those strings are so tiny and painful to work with for long periods of time. That wasn't even all the work though. I had to convince a friend that they wanted to drive to the home depot, because I realized I would need something to hold this hammock to display it. So I bought a fence post that measured roughly 4"x4" and a hand saw so I could cut it. I had a great idea for a stand that was one piece of wood and would look really neat, but I quickly realized that I am not that good with a saw. I cut a regular flat piece, drilled a couple of angled holes (with my dremel, the best tool ever) and cut a couple small pieces of wood off of the post to use as the supports for the hammock (I also used my dremel to cut these pieces, which really annoyed my roommate because of the dust and the noise. Oops). Like I said I chickened out giving it to her (yes it was a her) for a while and finally gave it to her a the end of the year for a graduation present. She loved it and displayed it in her room all summer and for a while (until probably about October) during the semester (yeah, she graduated and was now living at home, but I used the semester as a measurement of time anyway). Now it is being "displayed" in a closet. Oh well, enjoy the couple of picture I've put up before I continue my story.

I was feeling creative again and thought "hey, since the last hammock might as well not exist anymore I could make another one, and because I am home for Christmas break I'll have more materials and tools to work with.
Now Usually I don't really make the same thing twice, it just doesn't feel very creative anymore. Well, I did make another EXTREMELY creative thing (I've never heard of someone else doing it although I'm sure someone else has) that I was really happy with, but I am not talking about that for two reasons. The first is that it was/is a present ( the "was/is" depends on whether or not the person waited to open it and is still waiting like they should because it isn't their birthday yet, or if they just opened it early) so I can't really talk about it yet because there is always the small chance that they might read this and then ruin the surprise. The second is that I never even thought to take any pictures of it until after I mailed it. I'm really kicking myself for that one. If you just believe me that it is really cool then we will be set.
Having already made a miniature hammock before I had a few ideas on how to make it a bit nicer this time. The first was to change the spacers at the ends so the strings could no longer fall off. From there I thought of things like stronger strings and a nicer looking base. To accomplish the spacers I was going to cut small pieces of wood (with my dremel, man I love that tool) from the same fence post as before and then I realized that I had some extra chop sticks left over from my trip to Japan that I wouldn't mind parting with. I cut the chop sticks so that you aren't really able to notice how they taper that much and I was actually able to use the extra from them as the supports that come off of the base. That saved me a lot of work cutting and made the hammock look 100 times nicer. It looks like it has rose wood or something. I was always afraid that the strings on the first hammock weren't very strong and that it would be too easy to accidentally break one of them. I make them stronger I braided each one of them. That means that I did still use the same tiny strings as before but I braided them to make them a lot stronger. One of these braided strings takes over 45 minutes to make, not multiply that by eight to figure out the least amount of time I could have spent just braiding for this project. I couldn't make more than two strings a day because I was still using that tiny string and it was so painful on my hands that even two a day was pushing it. Then I went about threading the strings through some tiny holes I drilled in the chop sticks and tying together the actual knots of the hammock. This took a while, but I knew what I was doing this time and the strings were three times thicker than last time so the process went a little bit smoother. Ok, so the strings are taken care of, the spacers are done, and I even know how I'm going to support the hammock on the stand; now I have to make the stand. I found the fence post that I am so fond of making projects out of (I honestly don't really have that much to choose from in the way of materials and being a college student I am very poor) and cut a small flat piece off of it to make the base. Since I actually had sandpaper at my disposal this time I used it to round off the edges and give the stand a nice smooth look. Almost done. I drilled holes at either end of the stand at angles that seemed appropriate, inserted the chop stick ends and adjusted a little bit. Using a little epoxy I glued the chop sticks in and cut off the tips that were poking out of the bottom of the stand. Once more I used my dremel and cut notches in the supports sticking out of the stand so I could put the strings somewhere and I was done. I put a little glue on the knots on either end to make sure they didn't come apart, but that was negligible. If the first hammock took over six hours to make just for the actual hammock and not including the stand (I honestly don't know how long the stand took, but it was a couple of hours because of the change in ideas and some fixing I had to do) then you can imagine that this next one took a bit more time. The second one took over twelve hours of actual work, meaning I took out time from distractions and starting and stopping and spent twelve hours (more actually) of pure work making this. You might ask, whether it was worth all the work. If you knew me you would know that I would say "yes" every single time with any project I make, because the work is actually fun and stimulating for my brain, plus people usually like the things I make. I love finding new people that inspire me to make new things. They don't come along often, but when they do it is amazing what I come up with. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

2008-01-10T12:58:00.001-06:00

I really need some singing lessons or something!

A caring sort of anger

2008-01-07T18:34:00.000-06:00

I realized something very strange the other day. I can only become angry with people I care about. Yelling, arguing, and just being an ass are really things I can only do if I care. If I don't care about you I figure "it isn't worth it", but if I do care I will argue until I am blue in the face. So if I've ever gotten really angry with you, there is a decent chance that you're someone I care about.

Why Re-live What You Want to Forget?

2008-01-05T17:58:00.000-06:00

I set aside a small note book to write in. I knew exactly what I was going to write in it too. I also knew that there was no way in hell this thing was going to be big enough for me to tell the whole story and that I would eventually have to continue on to another note book for me to even have a chance of finishing it. I got all psyched up to do it, I even started a little. I wrote the intro to the story. It was even going to be in an interesting style. It was going to be written to myself, almost as if I was having conversations in the book to me. Yet, it was meant to be read by someone... someday. I was so sure I wanted to write it, but I didn't. I was going to write about everything that has happened to me since either the beginning of last summer or the end of it. I was leaning more towards the end of it, that's when it all started. That was when the best things became the worst things, the mediocre things became the invisible things, and the worst things became the familiar things. I didn't have much to fall back on then, family, loyal friends that I somehow made in the short time I had after leaving the grasp of my warden of seven months. You would think the family would be a big help, but sometimes they just made it worse. I was going to tell that story in the little note book I had set aside. I don't want to anymore. Why re-live something you would rather forget? Why remember something you would rather forgive? It's one of the saddest stories I know. Probably, mostly because it was mine. It is always easy to believe you have it worse off than anyone else. Now I would rather take that space and write down a happy story. I thought of it this summer when the peak of my happiness first started. I've told it to a few people and they've all said it was an incredible story. It's one of the happiest stories I know, and yet the main character still dies. He spends a good deal of his life slowly suffering for his gift only to receive even greater suffering. I'd rather tell a happy story than a sad one, but I'm not much of a writer so I don't know where to start. I've written down some of the important events and I think I know how I want it to be told. I'm a little surprised at how much of the story reflects my life. I'm even more surprised that when I came up with the story I not only used parts of my past, but somehow, in a way I closely predicted my future. The same future I'm living right now. During one of the happiest parts of my life, I was able to predict one of the worst, and yet I never saw it coming. It boggles the mind.

Here is part of the introduction that I started to write when I was going to write about what has happened to me:

I can remember the last day I was happy. I mean really happy, when there was no need to pretend. It was a September the 18th, 2007. It was a tuesday. That was four months, two weeks, and four days ago (I updated that number for this blog because it is still true).
(then I go on to tell the story)
It's not happy, not anymore, not yet. (that's where I stopped, I didn't get far and I'm glad of that. I think I'll keep that line though, It will fit well with my happy story, I know just where to put it.

I really do ramble on...

2008-01-05T14:38:00.000-06:00

It's funny how lots of stuff can happen to you but you can't ever remember it when you want to, so I just kind of ramble on for a couple of minutes.

Oh, I thought of more to ramble on about, because well..."bitches be crazy."

Do you Like my haircut? I don't. I hate cost cutters, I don't even know why I go there anymore. Haha, how do you like that negative promotion. Maybe they will lose enough money from that to make up for the crappy hair cut I just had to pay for.

Ahhh

2007-12-05T14:49:00.000-06:00

A Misrepresentation

2007-12-02T15:57:00.000-06:00

Apparently I had allowed someone to believe I was something I wasn't and that hurt them, I also heard some good things from and old friend

Time For a Change?

2007-11-27T12:44:00.001-06:00

I was recently talking to a friend about all the shit life has been throwing at me. I started to tell him how sometimes it feels like I'm not myself, because maybe if I changed things wouldn't seem so bad. I didn't want to change, I was just worried that it might happen. My friend told me "This might sound strange coming from me, but you're awesome! Don't ever change. Some people do need to change, but you're not one of them."

thanksgiving update

2007-11-27T12:17:00.000-06:00

Here is an update on my current situation.

hangover

2007-11-20T09:25:00.000-06:00

Generally I try to avoid soda and caffeine and lots of stuff like that. It has been so long since I regularly drank soda that even non-caffeinated sodas give me head aches. Well last night for some reason I decided to buy a Sobe energy drink. I don't think it was a very good idea because now I have what could be best described as a mild hangover caused by all the fun chemicals that are supposed to give you energy. Yay for fun chemicals!

My first dubbed film

2007-11-08T11:44:00.000-06:00

for some reason the words don't quite match up with my mouth, but that's ok. It's the information that is important anyway. You may need to turn up the volume to hear me

New ID

2007-11-07T17:20:00.000-06:00

I had the privilege of driving to Madison today to get my dependant's military ID replaced, because mine had expired. First off, the guy who made the IDs mumbled something fierce so I couldn't understand him half the time. Anyway, I told him right away that some of the information on the card needed to be updated, because if you don't tell them they wont change any of it(the last time the information was updated was in 1999). Well he ignored that. Then when he asked me to sit in the chair for the picture, I smiled so it wouldn't look like shit. He actually laughed at me, he laughed at my smile and my face. In the course of his job he will run into thousands of faces and this mumbling piece of shit laughs at mine. I wanted to yell at him right there, but all I needed was my new ID and then I could leave (this guy had given us crap before and I didn't want to deal with anymore of it). So now I am a 19 year old who is 5'2" weighs 127 pounds, and has a smile that makes some idiot laugh at me. It has been a wonderful day!

In The Immortal Words of Just About Every Geek, "W00T"

2007-11-06T23:39:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I had started to write another post about how great this girl was and how we started dating and how I was happier than I had ever been before, but I got really busy with school and lots of other shit. Then she broke up with me, so that was great. Apparently she is in a point in her life where she needs to be single to figure some stuff out for herself. She said she needs to be able to make herself happy before she can make anyone else happy. Too bad I was already happy. I normally wouldn't have a problem with this, I would do anything to make this girl happy. She had called me the night before I was leaving to go visit her for about five days and said "my parents don't think we should be dating anymore" (for the record, her mom absolutely loves me...go figure). I asked her why and she said they were afraid that having a boyfriend would hold her back from the rest of her life. Then I asked her what the problem was, "what does it matter if your parents don't think you should be dating me?" We are adults and our parents should not be able to control our lives anymore. Well, her parents brought up something that she herself was worried about. She was also worried that I might be holding her back. She knew that if she ever wanted to do something all she had to do was ask and I would do everything in my power to help her. I never wanted to hold her back. She said she wanted to date me again someday, because she loved me so much and because I was so different from everyone else. Apparently I was trust worthy. The "sweetest, kindest, warmest person I have ever known" is what she said. I guess that everyone was worried that because of me she wasn't going to be able to have a social life. Like I said before, I normally wouldn't have a problem with this. I would wait as long as I had to for this girl because she is worth it, even if it meant years. I knew after I met this girl that I had to make sure that some way or another she would have to be in my life for the rest of my life. Anyway, she explained to me how she had always used boyfriends as a crutch, when she didn't feel safe or when she wanted to feel better about herself she got a boyfriend. That wasn't the case with me though, she had actually tried to break up with me once before because she was trying to spare me. She liked me so much and thought that I was such a good person that she could never be good enough for me. Well, thankfully it didn't work that first time, she chose to be happy instead and I was so happy because of it. I don't think the argument of "I'm not good enough for you" is a valid one for anyone to make about themselves. When you find someone amazing you NEVER think you are good enough for that person!! If you do think you are good enough or even go as far as to think you are better then you should just end it now, it won't work and it wont be worth it. The whole time she thought she wasn't good enough for me I also thought I wasn't good enough for her. She is an amazing person, she has incredible taste in music, she is super intelligent, wants to travel, loves to read, loves dogs, volunteers for programs that really make a difference, so amazingly gorgeous, and everyone loves her. She doesn't feel she can trust anyone. She used to think she could trust me, but not anymore (I'll get into that later). She wants so much to believe that she is a bad person, because then when she makes a mistake she can just say "I am a bad person" and never have to think more about what had happened. I refuse to believe that she is a bad person, because she ISN'T! She doesn't understand that unlike anyone else she has encountered in her life I will NEVER quit, I will NEVER give up, especially not on her. Anyway, she wants to have a healthy social life, to do well at her new job and to help herself deal with issues that she can't deal with when she is with someone. Fine, I can deal with that, anything that will make her happier in the long run. Too bad she isn't doing anything to help herself with that. She broke up with me to help herself for now, because she wanted to be with me again in the future and didn't feel it was fair that I have to deal with the problems that she has in life. She is doing the exact opposite, hurting herself more and more every day because she doesn't want to feel the pain that comes with love. Love can bring the greatest happiness and inflict the greatest pain, she wants neither. She is at least working on having a social life, it doesn't seem like a healthy one, but it is one. Going out drinking several nights a week, passing out on friends couches only to wake up with them on top of you and they won't let you leave. Now let me explain why she doesn't trust me anymore. From several conversations with her after we had broken up I felt increasingly like I was being lied to constantly, I didn't know where to go to for the truth. So I went to the only place I knew couldn't talk to me over the phone and lie to me, I used her password (which in her trust she had given me) and logged onto her facebook and started to read her messages. This was a very disturbing day, apparently she was "loving the single life" and didn't "know why [she] wasn't single long ago" among other things. These are not good things for anyone to hear. Even if there was a terrible break up and they never wanted to talk again, those are bad things to hear. Sadly, that wasn't the situation for us. She wanted to talk, still called me every week, wanted to hear from me. It's not nice to hear that someone regretted your relationship, especially when there was nothing wrong with it. There was no cheating, or lying (at least while we were still together), or fighting. Well I had kept the fact that I had read her messages a secret for a few weeks. One night while on the phone with her I caught her in a lie and confronted her with it. She was very sorry (whether she was sorry because she had been caught, or because she was actually sorry for lying to me has yet to be seen). After this I decided that if I wanted her to be truly honest with me I would not only have to not lie to her (I still never have lied to her), but I would have to go one step farther and not hide things from her. So I called her one night and told her, I didn't want to tell her at the time because it was obvious that she was out celebrating the fact that she didn't have to work the next day (it was a wednesday night) and generally people don't take bad news well while they are drunk. However, she was very insistent that she wanted to know what was wrong. I told her and she started yelling at me about how she thought she could trust me and "you of all people should know better [insert my name here]." I instantly became the bad guy, the same guy that still treated her better than any previous boyfriend ever had and now I am a "bad, untrustworthy guy." Fine I can deal with that I guess, I deserve it right? After all, I did take advantage of her trust didn't I? Part of the problem is that she was so angry with me that I didn't even get to ask her about all those wonderful things she had said in the messages I had read. I called her the next day so I could talk with her about it some more, because she had decided the night before that she didn't want to talk anymore. At least now she was going to be sober. I hardly got a word in and she made it rather clear that she didn't really want to have anything to do with me anymore. Now I'll return to that friend of hers that was on top of her while she was passed out on his couch. It would appear that they are just fine now seeing as she is going to his birthday party later this week. So I ask you, what do you feel is worse? Making one mistake because you didn't know where to turn to find the truth, or trying to take advantage of someone while they are under the influence of alcohol and can't properly defend themselves? Apparently she feels I committed the greatest atrocity, because I haven't heard from her for three weeks now and like I said, she is back to hanging out with the guy who was ready to take advantage of her while she was passed out. I wish I could see her as a bad person, because then everything would be a lot easier, I could move on and realize that I wasn't happy with her. The only problems with that is the fact that she ISN'T a bad person and I WAS happy with her. The only thing I can do is keep being my nice kind self. I'm not really sure if I want to post this. I kind of want her to see this, but I kind of don't. I don't even know if she will remember how to find it. It seems every time I do anything, even if I think it is helping, I seem to fuck everything up. So this is probably another fuck up, but it does feel a little nice to tell some people about it. So if you read this, I'm sorry Rocket. As I explained earlier, you are already pissed at me anyway. Haha, I just realized that I had told her before that one day I was going to fuck everything up and she just laughed at me and said that "wasn't possible." Apparently it is.

Here is what I was going to write and never finished before.

Yeah, so that girl I mentioned before, the one that actually seemed to like me. Turns out she actually did. It only took five grueling months, but we actually started dating and I am incredibly happy now...

Who Knew?

2007-02-18T10:27:00.000-06:00

Who knew that second semester would be so much better than the first? Second semester isn't just a little bit better, it is ridiculously better than first semester.
Here are some of the reasons:

1. I no longer have a possessive, controlling, manipulative girlfriend.

2. I have started to work out and exercise.

3. I slightly improved my wardrobe with great results.

4. The female community seems to be much more interested in me.

5. My dorm finally looks like a dorm.

6. I can finally be social and go out (refer to #1).

I'll go into more detail about these things. #1, I had a very controlling girlfriend living three and a half hours away and believing that i would cheat on her any chance I got (I never did cheat on her, so I don't know why she believed this). For example, I would be on the phone talking with her and say "hey there is something going on at 7:00 and i kinda want to go" and she replied "are there going to be any girls there?",me-"well of course there are going to be girls there, it isn't an all male event", her-"then I don't want you going!". That was a semi typical conversation. A more typical conversation would include me getting in trouble for something stupid, like not leaving a message on her facebook wall for awhile. I don't mean that she would be a little ticked, i mean that she would be furious! There were reasons why I didn't leave messages on her wall very often (which if you read #6 will become very obvious).
#2, I finally started working out, and I feel great. The problem is that if you want to be in shape you have to go to the gym, but to go to the gym you have to be in shape. So before going to the gym you have to try and get into good enough shape to be seen in the gym. Well I finally just said "screw it I don't care what they think I need to do something to try and stay healthy" and started working out in the gym. After only a week I saw results and after four I am very happy with my decision.
#3, My brother is a chick magnet and I could never figure out why. Many of his female friends say after meeting me that I look just like him, act just like him, have the same sense of humor, and even tell stories the say way as him. I couldn't figure it out, so I decided I needed to make another change. I bought some nicer looking shirts and made my self a very unique look necklace (if they meet you at a party and see the necklace as something unique it will be much easier to remember you later, it is also makes it easier to catch someones eye). I knew how to look good I just never really put much time into it before. Just the shirts alone made a huge difference, wearing a casual dress shirt every once in a while and to parties looks nice without looking like you are trying too hard. When you know that you look better you feel better and people really notice that, attitude is key!
#4, probably partially because of #3 and also #2 I have been getting much more positive attention from girls. Last week, valentine's day week, I received a secret(I don't know who sent it) private invitation to a sorority party. The members each chose a person to have invitations sent too, so that means one invitation per person. Which also means that I somehow caught someones eye. I had to say that I couldn't go though because the weekend earlier I had randomly met (there is a very interesting story, but I am not going to tell you about it...sorry) a girl at a party and so far seem to be hitting it off. On valentine's day we went to a local coffee shop and sat and talked for about 4 hours! So I don't want to seem like I am perusing other interests. Anyway, I really like this girl and I want to ask her out and just need to get up enough nerve to do it, but she seems to actually like me which is great.
#5, When I got back from winter break I had some new things to add to my dorm. I finally got a TV, a better rug, and a table. Then I rearranged the room to maximize space (which included stacking the fridge and microwave, organizing my closet, folding down the life size darth vader cardboard figure:(, and shifting a lot of the things that need outlets to be more convenient). I didn't stop there, I also took the doors off of my closet to make the room feel bigger and ordered a hammock. Yes I ordered a hammock for my dorm room and it is hanging from the ceiling, it was one of the best purchases I ever made! It is great for naps, reading, and it is one heck of a conversation starter. By adding the hammock, table and rug to cover up the ugly tile I took the focus of the room away from the floor which also makes the room feel bigger.
#6, This one is great. A typical day for me first semester included me going to class from 8am-2pm, then I would be stuck on the phone until I went to bed because somehow 5-6+ hours a day "wasn't enough time" and we "don't get to talk enough". well you can imagine how that effects your social life, or rather kills your social life. A good comparison would probably be that my social life looked like it had been hit with a nuke! Silly me believed that when you talk to someone for that long EVERY SINGLE DAY then you don't really have to send then messages on the internet, but of course I was wrong because she could never be wrong. At this point I might sound a little spiteful, I think that is because I am. I still get phone calls from her where the whole time she sounds like she is about to cry because we aren't going out anymore(did I mention that she already has a new boyfriend). I also got a phone call from her at 3:00am pretending to be strung out on drugs after I broke up with her in which she told me how bad of a decision I made and how someday I will realize what I did and want her back. I know she was pretending to be drugged because I called her an hour later to make sure she was okay (because I am still a nice person) and she pretended like it never happened. I did realize what I did, I chose to have a healthy social life and give myself time in the day to do things that needed to be done. I am much happier now that I cut the strings from the puppet master, without this I would never have been able to do any of the other things on the list and I would still be miserable.

I never meant to write so negatively about my ex, the focus was supposed to be about how this semester is better and not why the first one wasn't that great, but I do feel better now.